On the Edge of Ecstasy and Terror
by Ekaterinn
Summary: Mamoru dances on the edge as he falls in love with Usagi...


Konichwa minna-san! I can't seem to write my Sailor Moon story called "Anniversary" right now, so I wrote this. It's my take on Mamoru falling in love with Usagi before he found out she was Sailor Moon. It's just a shortie that I got the idea for one night. Please review it, whether your reaction is love, hate or indifference^_^.   
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**On The Edge of Ecstasy and Terror** ****

I've never been one for strong emotions. Loneliness, yes, but that's understandable when one has no memories of a mother and father who died. And yes I've felt anger, fear, and yearning at times. But no great passions. No great loves. And truth to say, when that crumbled-up test paper hit my head, I felt nothing but annoyance. Until she turned.   
She had long blonde hair, done up in the most original style I've ever seen. Her small face turned red and she stuttered some sort of an apology. But I think it was the eyes that really captured me. Her blue eyes shone with a light that had never seen in anyone else's, before or since. Certainly, a light like that never shone in my eyes, dulled by the pain and the emptiness every time I looked into a mirror. I was completely, utterly, and totally enraptured. So naturally I panicked. I laughed at her and made fun of her. Then I left, naming her Odango Atama with my heart beating fast and cursing myself for my stupidity. I happen to run into the one girl who makes me feel more than disgusted and indifferent and _I laugh at her_? More than that, I didn't even ask her name!   
I really had thought that I wouldn't see her again. That she would disappear like all of my dreams and leave me with a haunting vision of beauty. I was bitterly disappointed, but also somewhat relieved. Relieved that I wouldn't have to feel so happy again, that I could go back to my quiet, at least on the surface, life. Because I know how it goes. Great happiness only brings great sadness. It has happened before to me. I was sure it would happen again.   
But it's been two weeks and I've seen her three times. Twice at the arcade. I admit I've been hanging out there more often since I've seen her there. I sit in the booth, sipping black coffee and drinking in Tsukino Usagi's (yes, I found out her name!) light as she laughs and chats with her friends. She's so beautiful. More than that, she makes everything else seem beautiful. How does she do that? I could sneak glances at her for hours. But when she places those crystal blue eyes on me, walls I didn't even realize I had go up. I laugh and tell her she's such a klutz and that she needs to study more. All the while, my mind is screaming "Tell her she's beautiful, tell her she's sweet, just say anything but this!" Maybe I will some day. Then again...probably not.   
For I am more than enthralled. I am _terrified_. Terrified that if I love again, I will lose again. But it is more than the fear of falling into that abyss again that stops me. There is always the thought of betraying that elusive princess in my dream. I don't know why, but I would do anything for _her_. And I mustn't let any love for a schoolgirl get in the way of getting the Crystal for _her_. But just as strongly, I don't want to hurt Usagi. For if, by some miracle, she would fall in love with Chiba Mamoru, there's a strong possibly that I could hurt her badly. For I am more than just Mamoru and although rose-throwing abilities might be enough to kill off the youma I am by no means sure that they will do to defeat the daemons' masters. And although I think even Sailor Moon and the rest of the Senshi would try to help me, I know that I may die. I could never inflict that particular pain on someone I love. Better to keep dancing on the edge of ecstasy and terror, and let her live out her happy, peaceful life, free from men with strange dreams and even stranger destinies.   
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So what do you think? Rants? Raves? Give me a review or [email me][1]. Ja ne!   
Ekaterinn Duval

   [1]: mailto://ekaterinn@hotmail.com



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